n’ it though?

I pose this question: Are all families disfunctional? Or have we labeled something that is simply a normal part of family life dysfunction?

After all, if we went through the crap our families put us through with anyone else, we’d likely walk away. But that is the pain and the reassurance that is family: You’re stuck with them!

I was reminded of this today as I dealt with an issue I’ve worked hard to ignore. T and I have gone over our finances again and again. It boils down to this humiliating fact: We can move in with his parents or mine. My family lives much closer. (Like, 1700 miles closer.) So I sucked it up and called to ask. The response. 1-”We already have someone living with us.” (So they would choose that person over us?) 2-”Have you explored your options?” (No, I truly craved the final ultimate humiliation of moving my family in with my parents at age 31.) 3-”Don’t do anything hasty.” (T and I have been struggling with these issues for nine months. Things have intensified recently, but the issues are not new. Nine months is not exactly hasty.)

So in plain English, my parents DON’T want us moving in with them for any amount of time. It is, of course, their prerogative as to whom they help support. But I have to admit a simple, “That won’t work for us,” would have been less unpleasant. Then we could have avoided the painful lobbing of excuses. What it boils down to (in my mind, anyway) is that they are DONE having kids. They love their grandkids; enjoy their visits; happy to wave goodbye at the end of the week.

Pride. Family dynamics. Screwy games of ‘Don’t tell mom I said this, but…” “Don’t tell your sister I said this, but…” “Don’t say anything to dad, but…” It’s exhausting and only occasionally fun.

I feel a little better since writing this out. But the issue still stands that, barring a miracle, the next conversation is with the in-laws. Yup. 2,000 miles away. With all the baggage in-laws bring. And T would agree with me that his family dynamics are WAY wackier than mine.

Respectfully, Charlotte