Charlotte here. Wishing that this was one of those dream sequences where you wake up and all the bad stuff was a nightmare and all the good stuff was a promise of things to come.
But it’s not. It’s real. It’s my life. And I have to find the strength to face it. Head on. Hiding in my bedroom watching television is not going to get anything accomplished. It just means another day has passed without anything changing.
An ‘overpayment’ has led to a reduction in our disability payments. No one has any idea how a family of four is supposed to make it on $700/month. All I have left to sell is our second vehicle. We’ll get about $1400 from that. That will catch up our bills, but not much more.
I have discovered that I never had security. Only the illusion thereof. “When everything that can be shaken is shaken. And all that remains is all I ever really had.” The question is – beyond putting my house back together, what is the next step? Beats the heck out of me.
Just me said,
June 23, 2008 at 3:24 am
Dear Charlotte, I know just how you feel. I can’t even get disability because of my HMO, but have been unemployed for 4 1/2 years. I’m so ill I can’t even keep house. We barely get by on my husband’s income. We can’t even afford to pay off the bankruptcy filing.
The worst part, though, was that in becoming chronically ill, for the first time in my life I got angry at God. I railed at Him. I couldn’t (and still can’t) understand why He won’t just kill me outright.
I don’t mind being poor- been well off, been poor- it comes and goes. I am blessed with the world’s best husband, a terrific son and a lovely daughter in-law.
What bothers me is not being able to DO anything, and the painful feeling of being separated from God.
Good luck, sister.